Review - 'It Ends with Us' by Colleen Hoover

"We all have a limit. What we're willing to put up with before we break."

When was the last time a book just completely slayed me, cutting me so deep and evoking such strong emotions? It feels like my heart has been filled, then broken, filled, then broken. In the end, I'm stunned by what I read.

It Ends with Us starts out innocently enough. We follow the courtship of Lily and Ryle. He is handsome, successful, and so thoroughly smitten with Lily he can barely think. He makes advances while claiming he doesn't do relationships. She rebuffs him while secretly pining for him. Really, it's all fun and a bit frivolous, your standard romance.

But then we arrive at the crux of this story, which I'll try my best to be vague here so as to minimize the spoilage. (Though at this point, with all the hubbub surrounding the movie, I'd be surprised if there is anyone out there who doesn't yet know what this is about.) Nonetheless, it's best to read it from Colleen Hoover's own words, and what an astounding set of words they are.

Make no mistake, this isn't a romance even though it starts out as one. Instead, it's a considerably more honest look at relationships—their ups and downs, and what really happens when the rosy tint wears off and it turns out one person has bigger issues than the relationship can contain. As a result, it asks us readers the very uncomfortable question of just how much we are willing to put up with for love.

I will say, the main topic in here is something that a lot of books try to tackle, but very few do right. Often books will go heavy-handed in making one character out to be the villain, as if afraid that a more subtle approach will somehow be misconstrued as condonement. But this does a disservice to the entire situation, making it difficult for us to understand the other character's perspective as well as their reasons for being in the relationship in the first place.

What makes Hoover's portrayal so masterful is her nuanced approach. She brings a humanity to both sides that is sobering and heartbreaking, and it makes the whole thing ring true. It's brutal and compelling, and it's hard to look away.

I think for those of us fortunate enough to never have been in a situation like this, it's easy to take the ideal road and turn our noses up at anything less than the puritanical view. But real life isn't like that at all; it isn't black and white. It's filled to the brim with all sorts of gray, day in and day out. And Hoover shades in the gray with a skillfulness that is so raw and visceral, it often made me forget where my lines are.

[view spoiler below]

I read this book years ago when it first came out, and I remember thinking highly of it, though not much else. So when I read it again this time, I admit I was shaken by how hard it hit me. I think it's because I'm older now and have more experience with love and relationships, so I'm able to appreciate this story even more.

My suggestions if you're going to read this book—have a box of tissues ready and don't skip the author's note at the end. I sobbed my way to the finishing line, then read the author's note and sobbed some more. This is a riveting and worthwhile read, though at times difficult, and it showcases Colleen Hoover at her best, taking her contemporary new adult genre and elevating it to soaring heights.

Readaroo Rating: 5 stars!

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Many people think that Hoover is romanticizing what is going on in here, but that isn't it at all. In making Ryle the complex person that he is with good qualities, and in making Ryle and Lily's relationship happy most of the time, Hoover actually manages to explain the most confounding paradox of abusive relationships—that they are good or even great most of the time, and that the victim is neither too dumb to realize they're being mistreated nor are they too lazy to affect change. But rather, the victim needs to be exceptionally strong and well-supported in order to leave behind so many good moments in order to cut out a few bad ones.